I’ve got a story to tell—
It may shock, might amuse—
‘Bout a little slice of hell.
It’s called “Feature Creep Blues.”
I’m basically a hack—not hackER—at everything involved in putting this together (from the subject to the genre to the “singing” to the tech), but a fan of the film, the music, and the talent. So, I hope you’ll forgive the muddy vocals, and if the musical stylings don’t quite appeal, I hope you’ll give the ridiculous lyrics a chance to win your vote—thanks!
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“Feature Creep Blues”
by MC Johnny Uncached
Didn’t get up this morning.
Never went to sleep.
Starting to see things,
Cuz of feature creep
All night at the keyboard…
Been like this for weeks.
It’s driving me crazy
Pluggin memory leaks
Coding overtime, cuz we can’t refuse…
That’s why I’m singin… the Feature Creep Blues…
It’s a week til QA,
Client wants some changes…
A tweak over here,
over there, re-arrange it.
“Let’s switch out that blue.
Let’s add a daily tip.
Might need a wizard, too…
A talking paper clip”
Doub-le-yoo-tee-eff, but we can’t refuse…
That’s why I’m singin… the Feature Creep Blues…
“Let ‘em share their video
And social networks.
Our users wanna DO things,
And not only lurk!”
But it’s accounting software!
What are they thinking?!
This won’t end well.
Better update my Linked-In.
It’s chaotic evil, but we can’t refuse…
That’s why I’m singin… the Feature Creep Blues…
It’ll hurt, but we’ll do it.
Bigger check in the mail.
What? The same budget?
Product manager fail!
They won’t move the launch.
It’s still the same deadline.
“Engineer bludgeons client,”
How dya like that headline?
Not enough time, even India refused
That’s why I’m singin… the Feature Creep Blues…
On delivery day,
A request from the client—
“Let’s add some music!”
It goes deathly silent…
My fist hits his face—
An explosion of violence!
A knee to the groin—
Plus ten against clients
I’m taking him down, there’s just no excuse…
It’s his turn to sing… The Feature Creep Blues…
A daydream come true…
The client’s been fragged.
The HR director
Has my folder flagged.
They put me on trial…
Twelve of my peers.
They’ll never convict me…
Hell, they’ll probably cheer
I’ll plead feature creep, the jury can’t refuse…
When they hear me singin… the Feature Creep Blues…
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9 comments read them below or add one
Catchy; love a good blues song.
Well, I hope you liked this one a little, too. Heh. Thanks!
Wow this is my life Nice work Cabinboy. Can I ask you make it a little longer and faster please
J/K…. ( do not hurt me).
That’s what SHE said!
(Thanks!)
have the blues i took so long to vote
No worries, man. Thanks for punching my chad.
Nice timing (you too, but I mean for me to hear). Solid lyrics. Just like MC Johnny Uncashed were here … + bag nugget reveal w/ background notes.
Oh wait… is this MC Johnny Uncached?
I keep changing my name. The fans love that whole reinvention thing, y’know. Gotta keep things funky fresh!
Or something.
I prefer MC Johnny Cache these days, but when I posted the song, I went w MC Johnny U. And of course, offstage, it’s typically cabinboy. Thanks much for your support! (Sixty nine. Huh huh.)